Without Words: India

Have you ever had a moment in life that was so powerful it left you speechless? For those reading who have done work in developing countries, you probably know what I am talking about. When I am travelling and working abroad, I often struggle with communicating my feelings. I write without proofreading and I write the first things that come to my mind. Often I don't express it very well, but it is the best way of sharing my initial thoughts and communicating with my friends and family from home who are wanting to check in on me. There have been moments on each of my trips that have literally left me speechless; moments that I have not blogged about for the sole purpose being that I couldn't find the words to properly describe them.

I have been home from India for four months now. Of everywhere I have ever travelled, India, without doubt, imapacted me the most. There is something very special about India to me. Even before I travelled there, I knew that I would experience things on a deeper level than I had in other countries. I am not sure why. Perhaps this is something that differs from person to person, and India is just that place for me. It changed something inside of me that I still haven't quite figured out.

I want to share a moment from my time in India that I was not able to put into words right after it happened.

Everyone who reads my blog knows how much love I have for April. She lives in the orphanage in India that I spent a month in, and is blind and has cerebal palsy. She is 6 years old and at the beginning of my trip, would not allow people to touch her, because she had spent so much time alone in a crib when she grew up in a different government-run orphanage. I worked with her daily, endured many tantrums and painful moments of watching her scratch and hit herself and scream until she was red in the face. By the end of the month she was sitting, snuggled in my arms, for much of every day. She would rub her cheek for kisses, and smile whenever she was tickled, heard music, or put to play in the baby pool. She is a little fish and water is her greatest love. My heart is broken not to be able to be with her every day and watch her grow up, but I am comforted by the updates I am hearing from India; telling me that she is still thriving and interacting with many other volunteers and ayahs the way she had interacted with me; open to love.

One day, near the end of my trip, I was sitting on the beds in the baby room with April snuggled on my lap. Sarah and Chelsea were nearby, both with kids crawling around them, and we were spending some quiet time interacting with the children. I began something I did every day with April; I rocked her slowly, sang to her, and rubbed her stomach. Sometimes I would rub her arm, or her back, or her leg; anything to get her used to the feeling of human touch.

That day, April did something she had never done before. She showed curiosity. Rather than pushing my arm away, as she did so often, she embraced it. Having being blind since birth, April had never seen the face of her caretaker. Having grown up in an orphanage, this caretaker was often absent, taking on other tasks, and April began to push people away. Hands were something that scared her; touched her too roughly, made her do things she was scared to do. This day, April grabbed hold of my hand. She used her fingers and ever so slightly and softly began running her hands over each of my nails. She moved on to my fingers, and then back to my nails; touching each inch with a look of deep concentration on her little face.

It was the first time April had truly initiated human interaction.

She was curious, and her heart was open.

This may seem like something very minor to someone who has never worked with a child with special needs. Before I went to this orphanage, I probably would not have undersood the big deal. But now my heart has been changed and this moment; witnessing this neglected and abused little girl turn into someone open to love, will be forever engraved in my memory.