Goodbye, Uganda

I am writing this from the airport, and I will admit I am heartbroken to leave. I went into this trip not to get attachments to the kids. I have attachments with kids in the Dominican and in India, and it is hard to leave. I figured that this trip would be more like those I had to Ethiopia, Haiti, Thailand, and Kenya; a learning experience and one where I try to do and see as much as possible, but not one where I leave hugging kids with tears in my eyes. I was wrong. Sometimes I guess you just can’t plan these kinds of things, and some of the kids I met are people I will never forget.

In the morning we finished profiling more children who arrived at school later in the week. There were about 10, so it didn’t take too long. Rebecca then arrived at the school! Last time I saw her she asked me if I could buy her an outfit. I said yes, but felt strange about it and discussed it later with Hellen, Kate, and Sarah; is it okay to give her a gift like this? What is the line between a hand up and a hand out? When is an appropriate time to give a gift, if there is one? They assured me it is fine and put my worries to rest, and I came to agree that my past 3 years of sponsorship have not been ones of showering her with gifts, so doing something special like this for her, while I am here, is perfectly okay.

We headed out with Rebecca and Emma, the son of Hellen, as he is leaving for boarding school this weekend and Kate promised him she would buy him his school shoes. Rebecca was super excited to go shopping, and had a very specific idea of what she wanted to get; flat, plastic shoes and leggings. Two days before, when Rebecca asked me if I could take her shopping, she mentioned the leggings. It is funny because she is 15 and at that age where she is maturing and dealing with the balance between getting older and staying respectful, in Ugandan society. All her life she has worn long dresses or skirts. She leaned in close and whispered, “Nikki, do you wear leggings?” When I told her that indeed I do, she burst out giggling and told me she wanted a pair. During our shopping trip, she requested a lotion that lightens your skin, which again shows the stage of life she is in. This girl is so beautiful though, it makes me sad that she would want to alter her appearance like that, and of course this request was turned down!

We arrived at the market and she spotted a pair of black leggings with a pink stripe, with a corduroy skort on a mannequin. The skirt is above the knee, and I am guessing that must be somewhat rebellious as she wouldn’t let Hellen see that purchase once we got back. We took it down off the mannequin, she held it up to herself, smiled shyly, and raised her eyebrows in that Ugandan way of agreement. She liked it.

As we went to find her shirt and shoes, Kate was robbed. I felt so bad as it was so frustrating. We were warned that this area of Uganda is notorious for its robberies, but as someone pressed up super closely against her back, another swooped in on the front and stole her iPhone. We were all pretty frustrated with this hectic area of Kampala by now, and hurried the kids along to pick out their next purchases. Men in Uganda are usually quite respectful to women, at least in my experiences, but the men working the stalls here would all reach out to try to touch us, use every pick up line in the book, and just be downright disgusting. We were getting quite fed up with it, but Rebecca laughed at our lesson on how to glare at men who call us their baby/darling/etc. “Rebecca, if any man ever talks to you like that, you stare him in the eye and say, ‘I am not your baby!’” She laughed, and agreed she would.

We found a pretty brown top and another longer red skirt, and then finally after looking through hundreds of shoes found the plastic flats she so badly wanted. Emma was much easier and picked his shoes out quickly, and then we got on the matatu just as the rain started (...again). We wanted to take the kids out for lunch, and we agreed on Indian; our favourite, and something new to them. It is a quite nice restaurant; similar to those back at home, and it was obvious they felt out of their element. While both kids were chatty during the shopping trip, they were quiet during lunch and kept watching us out of the corner of their eyes to copy our behaviours (how to eat using the naan, etc.) They both ended up clearing their plates though, so I would say their first Indian food experience was a success!

When we got back to the school, Rebecca tried on her oufit (the long skirt, not the short one and the –gasp- leggings!) so we could take some photos. She was so shy coming out of the house and blushed like crazy as I gushed about how gorgeous she is.

We walked down the street to the house of baby Immaculate, and she was home! For the past few days she has been at the clinic, and I have been worried about her. She has Down Syndrome, and with that, heart issues. Her mother, who speaks good English, wasn’t home, so I wasn’t able to get details on how it went, but she looked like her happy, smiling self and was excited to come back to the school with me to play. All too quickly it was time to say goodbye. I hugged Immaculate extra tight and had her wave bye-bye to me (one of the words she knows, and does so cutely!), then I went into the classroom to say goodbye to the kids. I have learned not to make a big, dramatic thing of it. I quickly announced that it was time for me to go to Canada, and for them to study hard and that I would mail photos and letters soon. To say goodbye, I chased them all around the classroom, giving each one a big kiss on the forehead. They all ran screaming from me, trying to avoid my lips, but then being sure to get close if I missed them so I could corner them and smother them with kisses. It was a happy goodbye with lots of laughs. The kids went home but Mariam and Sylvia hung back a bit. Mariam walked up to me briskly and said, in a way that made me think she had been rehearsing in her mind what to say, “Thank you, Nikki, I will miss you”. I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her to continue to study hard and to remember that as her sponsor, I will help her get through school all the way until she is the lawyer that she wants to be. She nodded and listened intently and hugged me extra close. Then Sylvia. Sylvia is my sister’s sponsor child and one of the kids who is super special to me. She is always first to hug me in the morning, first to greet me with a big smile, and last to say goodbye. I gave her a big hug and began telling her how special she is, how far she will go in life, and how she has been like my little sister these two weeks. Her eyes were filling up with tears and after a big hug, she left. As soon as the kids were out of sight (or so I thought) I let out the tears I had been holding in. They were peaking through the trees at me, and some came back for an extra hug after I pulled myself together.

Next was Rebecca. She asked us to “escort” her home so that I could meet her family and say goodbye there. We walked to her house; about 15 minutes from the school and nearly an hour from her high school. It is a beautiful walk through plantain fields, over rickety logs that cover rivers, and through little paths that zigzag between houses. We arrived at her house and we stood outside for a bit as she went in, not quite sure of what to do. I have heard negative things about her aunt and uncle, so was hesitant about whether I would be welcome. She assured me that I was, and that her uncle wanted to email with me (we exchanged information) but neither were home (they were both at work). We went inside her house (a tiny, cramped house for 10+ people) and the neighbours all crowded around to me us. Rebecca seemed so confident as she proudly introduced me to her friends as her sponsor, and they all got so excited and thanked me with big, happy eyes. One friend of hers is sponsored somehow (perhaps through an organization) and her sponsor is also from Canada, which she was excited about. Rebecca’s brothers, Dennis and Nicholas, are 7 and 5. Dennis is HIV+ as their parents died of AIDS, and they live in the village with their grandfather. Rebecca lives with her grandmother, aunt, uncle, and cousins. Barbara is 10, Mercy is 7, and Arthur is 4. There are some other older cousins and their children as well, who also live in the house, so it is quite packed. The visit was pleasant and gave me a small look into Rebecca’s life. She seemed comfortable and happy in her home, which made me happy. I gave her a big hug goodbye and said that I can’t wait to hear about when she is the most famous doctor in all of Uganda. Getting to meet her was one of the highlights of my trip.

We walked back to the school (jumping over streams, and climbing across logs in the process) and it was time to say goodbye to Hellen and Innocent and the kids of that family, and later, Sarah and Kate. The kids living in Hellen’s house all hugged me close, and then I noticed that little Ivan wasn’t around. Ivan is maybe around 9 years old, and his parents were killed by the LRA when he was young, so he now lives with his aunt Hellen. I went to look for him, and found him outside the house with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Ivan is not one of the kids that I particularly bonded with, but every day I would give him a big hug when I arrived and throughout the day we would playfully exchange tickles, hugs, football games, etc. I wiped up his tears and gave him a big hug, but I think he is really emotionally scarred from his parents’ murders, and having people leave his life is particularly hard on him. I had written Hellen and Innocent a letter of appreciation, and exchanged big hugs with them. They are both so wonderful, and I learned so much from them. Innocent is more organized than anyone I know (especially in Uganda!) and Hellen is like a Ugandan mother to all of us. I am going to miss them. We went back to Red Chilli, finished packing, and I was off. I said goodbye to Sarah and Kate; they are staying a bit longer and are headed up north to Apac for a few days. Love those girls, and couldn’t have asked for better people to travel with. (Sarah: I am going to miss our night-time snuggles tonight!)

I felt sad leaving for the airport. I kept replaying exchanges with certain kids in my mind, and thinking about all that I had learned. With each trip I go on, I feel like I grow so much as a person. Uganda taught me a lot and I will take something away from all the kids and families I met. Three years ago, when I began sponsoring with CUS, I never imagined that I would see it in person and play a role in implementing the sponsorship program. After having finished this trip, I am more committed to this school than ever. Sponsorship is $10/month, and trust me when I tell you it goes to a good cause. Empowering these young students to become educated will change the future of Uganda. And each one of them deserves it so much.