Anjali (Let Love In)
Anjali was a beautiful little girl who changed my life. I have written dozens of posts on this blog about her, but want to record the whole story in one place. Hopefully her story touches you as much as it touched me.
Anjali was born in Hyderabad, India with anophthalmia, meaning that she was completely blind with no eyes. She was abandoned as a baby on the steps of Chittaramma Temple in Hyderabad, where she was found by two beggars named Lakshminarayana and Bhucchamma. They kept her for over two years, using her to help them beg on the streets, before she became too much for them and they brought her to Sishu Vihar, a government orphanage in Hyderabad. She was admitted to Sishu Vihar on March 23, 2007, when she was about 2 and a half years old. On December 1, 2009, Anjali was transferred to Sarah's Covenant Homes (SCH) in Ongole, India, where her life changed.
This is all that is known of her history. It is assumed that she lived with quite a bit of neglect during these early years. When she came to SCH, she was afraid of human touch and lived in her own little world. She couldn't crawl, talk, or walk. She hated being held and was scared of everything. She was very sickly with a hemoglobin level of only 4.5%. Sarah, who runs SCH, gives all the kids nicknames to be used online to protect their privacy. She called Anjali "April" and in December 2009, she wrote the following on her blog:
"I gave April her nickname because it means "open" or "opening" and it makes you think of flowers in spring. April does not like to be touched at all. She is entirely blind (no eyes) and entirely in her own world--she and her thumb, which she sucks almost 24/7. She won't allow herself to be held or loved on. My prayer for her is that she will learn that it's safe now to open her heart and let others into her world. I just hurt for her."
Our paths crossed during May 2010, when I was going to SCH to volunteer for one month. Before arriving, I asked Sarah which child needed extra love that month, and she told me that Anjali did. I decided to focus my trip on Anjali and tried to give her as much love as I could. I had no idea, at that point, how much this little girl would change my life.
I began spending most of my time with her. This post, Don't Cha, records one of our earlier days together. Slowly, slowly, Anjali started coming out of her shell. At the beginning, she wouldn't allow me to touch her. She would push me away with her hands and became easily agitated. When she was upset, she would scratch her chest until she left marks and would bite really hard on her fists. It was painful to watch. After time passed, her outbursts became less and less frequent. She was smiling and laughing. She would let me hold her, for a few minutes at first, and then for longer amounts of time. She started showing curiosity and comfort. This post, Without Words, explains one of my favourite moments with her. I learned she loved water, and we spent hours with her in the kiddie pool. She loved music as well. I was devastated when it was time for me to go back home. She had come so far, and I cried many tears having to leave her.
The next 2 years were years of growth for me. I thought about her every single day. I was able to keep up with her progress through Sarah and other SCH staff and volunteers, and I fundraised $2160 for Anjali and another little girl, Molly, to have their own ayah. I felt so much better knowing that she had a 2:1 ratio with her ayah, and was being given more attention. She began to thrive. With the help of the PT, she began bearing weight and taking slow, tentative steps with a walker. She was laughing all the time and became such a joyful person. In April 2012, she weighed 32lbs and was being given lots of supplements to keep her health up (zinc, iron, vitamin C, and calcium). She was getting stronger and wasn't nearly as sickly as she used to be. Paperwork was being filed for her to become available for adoption. I quit my job and registered to go back to school to be educated on working with the special needs community. Anjali had inspired me to completely change my career path. Because of her, I saw so much potential in these kids with disabilities. I booked my flight to go back for a month; July 2012. I dreamed about seeing her again, and planned my month around Anjali; loving on her, helping her walk independantly, and spending as much time as possible with her.
Two months before my trip, I got a call from India. It was Sarah, and she had bad news. Anjali had died. My blog post, Anjali, was written shortly after I got the news and shows my emotion. I was devastated. As far as she had come, she was still weak, and the heat, fever, and dehydration had brought her down. She was buried in a cemetary in Ongole, India on May 5, 2012. I was devastated. Anjali was such a beautiful person. She was able to find joy, despite her struggles. Her life had impacted me so much and changed my path. She was determined, sassy, strong, happy, funny, and beautiful. She had so much ahead of her. I miss her so much, and have spent many hours trying to find out the best way to let her legacy live on. Her life was not in vain and because of her, many people have been impacted and changed.
Shortly after her death, a friend who knew my history with Anjali and who had been in India when I was working with her sent me such a kind message that brought me so much comfort. She wrote " I remember the first time I introduced her to you and how she was so resistant to being touched or held. Then after a few weeks she was listening to music, laughing, letting you hold her for long periods of time, and going in the kiddie pool together. But something special happened and Nikki everytime I hear this song on the radio "Let Love In" by the Goo Goo Dolls I think of you and Anjali. Your persistance and love opened her up to a new experience. Love changes everything." When I listened to this song, my heart started to feel less heavy. It could have been written about Anjali. She was so strong. She came to SCH having gone through so much, but she did exactly what this song says. She let love in. She was brave and opened her heart to life and love and happiness.
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in
The song also gave me hope. I write this post only days after Anjali's death, and soon I will return to SCH. I will go back to school and start a career working with people with special needs. There are so many people, in India and around the world, that are living like Anjali had been. I know that her legacy is going to live through me. As hard as it is, I will keep my heart open to those other kids who need love. Through Anjali's life, change will be made for other kids that have lived like she did.
Anjali's life taught me so much. It is painful for me thinking that I will never hold her again, or hear her giggle. But I have hope that she is in Heaven where she can walk, talk, and see. I can picture her smiling and laughing and running outside, and it is beautiful. She is the strongest person I have ever met and the world is a lot less beautiful without her in it.
I love you forever, pretty girl.
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