Celebrating Anjali

One year ago today Anjali went to Heaven.

If you know me at all, you likely know all about Anjali, but if you are new to my blog or don't know me personally and don't know the story of Anjali, read it HERE or watch the video I made last year.

The anniversary of a death is a strange thing. I want to acknowledge it, because I want every single person to know Anjali's story. At the same time, everything I write about her feels intensely personal and I get anxious about sharing that so publicly.

When she died I felt incredible grief and sadness, mixed with guilt and confusion. For weeks I couldn't sleep because this heavy weight was on my chest and when I closed my eyes I dreamed of her alone in a hospital. It is hard to explain how this little girl, who I knew only for a summer, could impact my heart in such a deep and profound way. A year later, after much prayer and healing, I can say with certainty that God placed Anjali in my life with the direct intent of changing my heart and bringing me to the point in my life where I would listen to Him and begin to follow the purpose He has for me; dedicating my life to the most vulnerable people- abandoned and disabled children.

And so while it would be easier to just keep my thoughts to myself, I am going to continue to write about Anjali. And I will never stop. I want her memory to stay fresh and I want every person who reads my blog to learn from her short life on Earth. Anjali had suffered so much and yet she knew joy. She was so brave and strong. Her giggle was the greatest sound on earth. She was learning how to walk. She was sassy and not afraid to let you know what she wanted. She enjoyed the simple things in life, like the sunlight on her face, and she taught everyone she met to appreciate those things we take for granted.

Earlier this month, Kate, a blogger I follow at Chasing Rainbows, lost her young son Gavin. He had multiple special needs, but his death was sudden and unexpected. She wrote on her blog:

"Today has truly been the worst day of our lives. But it's also been an unexpected gift. Our beautiful first born son was set free. Now he can talk. He can run. He is healed."

Her words resonated with me. That is what I hold on to for Anjali. Her six years on Earth were filled with sadness. She was abandoned and neglected. She couldn't see, walk, or talk. She was brought to SCH where she experienced love for the first time, and began to heal, but now she is fully healed. And so on the anniversary of when she died, I don't want to mourn, but want to celebrate her life, because she is the greatest thing that ever happened in mine.

So this weekend, while I am missing my little girl as I do every day, I am trying not to feel sad but to feel GRATEFUL that she touched as many lives as she did. And grateful that she came into my life, if only for a few short years. Without her my life would look very different right now. She was an incredibly special little girl. Love her forever and always, and can't wait until the day we are reunited in Heaven and I can wrap my arms around her again!



There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God

 

*In honour of Anjali, considering donating to the adoptiong grant of Wendy, a little girl in an orphanage in Eastern Europe with a similar diagnosis. She has been waiting for her forever family for too long! Donate HERE.

Clanton Family

This family needs a handicapped van! Read their story, check out their blog, and maybe there is some way you can help?

 

On June 23, 2011 I wrote a blog post called Genesis where I shared the profile of a little girl named Genesis who was blind and was listed on Reece's Rainbow, waiting for a family to adopt her. I remember checking back on little Genesis every week or so, just waiting to see if her family had found her yet. There was something about her that caught my attention. God knows I have a soft spot in my heart for blind children, and something about her made me think of Anjali (this was before Anjali died, right around the time I was planning my return to India to work with her).

A year ago, her family went to Ukraine to bring her home! They named her Sarah, so from here on out Genesis will be refered to as Sarah. They also brought home another little girl named Selah, who also had special needs. Her Mom, Yvonne, blogs at My Real Life by Yvonne.

Yvonne and her husband, Jon, already had three sons; Steve (biological), Shad (adopted from China, has vision impairment), and Sam (biological, is blind). Yvonne is an amazing person and I know if you said that to her she would say she is just like anyone else, but that's not true. She is raising 5 kids, 4 of whom have special needs, and she pours her heart into advocating for disabled children in orphanges still waiting.

Things were going really well for the Clanton family, but a few months after Sarah and Selah came home, Selah's stroller rolled into the Erie Canal and she nearly drowned. For a long time it was unclear whether Selah would live, but she pushed through. Selah suffered a lot of brain damage and was in a coma for some time. After many, many months living in the hospital, recently Selah has come home and their family is back together again, although life is different than they had imagined.



I am sharing their story for a few reasons. First, it inspires me. Whenever a family adopts a child with special needs, who is outcasted by so many, it touches my heart. Yvonne and Jon have done it again and again. Despite the challenges they are now facing with Selah's health, they are running a campaign right now to raise money for other children's adoption grants.

Second, Sarah reminds me a lot of both Jasmine and Cedar, two of the kids I will be fostering in India. All three of these kids are similar in age, grew up in orphanages, and are blind and have insitutional autism. All three kids are working towards the goal of walking independently. I sent Yvonne an email asking her some questions about Sarah, and she immediately emailed me back with her phone number and told me to give her a call! This busy woman took the time to connect with me, and I am so grateful for that. I gave her a call this morning and we were able to touch base, but right before I had called, Selah threw up. Yvonne was worried about her and said she would call me back. Selah's heart rate started going up rapidly after that and she began shaking, so Yvonne called the ambulance and Selah is back in the hospital :( Please keep her in your prayers. I feel badly taking up any of Yvonne's time, as she has so much on her plate, but she has assured me she is eager to chat and give me ideas for Jasmine and Cedar- things that Sarah's PT is doing with her to help her learn to walk independently. She has such a huge heart for disabled children still waiting for their families to find them.

Finally, Yvonne and her family need a wheelchair accessible van for Selah. They aren't asking for donations (although, if you are able, I do encourage you to donate!) They are just asking for your prayers. Below is part of what Yvonne wrote on her blog. Keep the whole family in your prayers! Visit http://myreallifebyyvonne.blogspot.com to follow their story.

"Please pray that God will provide for her a handicapped van. It is very hard to transport her [Selah] now. We have to carry her out to the van, and then one of us gets into the van and is handed Selah, who we have to put in to her car seat in the back row. We have to put her onto the back row with the middle seat taken out because sometimes she stiffens up and we don't want to worry about her getting her leg caught or hurt by being too close to a seat. She can't help at all and can't hold her head up, so it is a huge job to get her in and out. We are afraid she will be hurt accidentally or one of us will hurt our backs in doing this.

We need to be able to place her in her wheelchair and wheel her into the van and lock it in place.... When I ever post any need we have, I tend to get a few nasty emails or comments but this is the biggest physical/material need I've ever had before in my life. I'm not even asking anyone to donate at this time, I'm just asking you to pray that God will make a way. God has always provided what we have needed... And yes I believe everything I have comes from the hand of God, whether we save for it or whether we get a good deal or if someone gives us something.... So I know God will provide this in some way....."

 

2 months 2 days

Two months, two days until I leave!!

Dinah as a baby, 2009

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how well things are coming together for our time in India. We have almost ALL of our donations requests filled! A sweet woman named Lisa came across one of my postings online. She has an adult brother with cerebral palsy and we have exchanged many emails. Her words are so encouraging and she has offered to help us collect some of the donations we have been waiting for! A friend of Sarah's donated the money for us to buy 2 high chairs. No more being fed on their backs for these kids! We are going to be focusing on eating skills, as we learned that the kids have become so accustomed to being fed on their backs that they struggle with chewing... especially Cedar. He is tiny, and half of the food that goes into his mouth comes right back out as he hasn't developed the muscles to chew properly. A friend from school donated a huge bag of her daughter's gently used Indian clothes. They are beautiful and will be perfect fits for our kids. When we take them out into the community, people aren't going to look at them and think "orphans". They are going to look at them and see how beautiful and loved they are!

Most excitingly, we have been talking with the team in India, and it has been confirmed that we are going to be foster moms! This is what I wrote on my facebook about it (we didn't end up getting this apartment, but they are still looking):

"Huge exciting news from India!! We have been in discussion with the SCH team about Sarah and I being Foster Moms to our 4 kids during our 6 months in India. We heard from the team this week, and we are moving forward with this!! Just today they found a perfect house for us and are going to try to rent it. It is 3 floors and the top floor will be ours to live with an ayah, our 4 Camp kids (Lily, Cedar, Dinah, and Jasmine) and Molly! It is 2 rooms- one for the kids to share and 1 for our bedroom. It apparantly has tons of room for pool time on the veranda and lots of space for walking with the kids using canes and walkers. The 2nd and 1st floors of the house are planned for some of the other SCH girls to move into (with ayahs)!!

So what does this mean for us?? Ability Camp, as it existed before, won't be the same.. it will be MUCH better. The kids won't be living in an orphanage anymore, but in a small foster style home. They will be with us all day every day... we will put them to bed, kiss them goodnight, take them to the park, feed them their meals- being mothers to all 5 for the time we are there. We can incorporate their therapy in all daily living and will save money on transportation shipping them from Victory Home to our apartment every day. This house would also be amazing for SCH as a whole, as it would allow many of the girls to move out of Victory Home, which is overcrowded, and allow them to experience a smaller style home on the 1st and 2nd floors with ayahs beneath us.

Please, please, please pray that this works out! SCH is talking to the home owner about renting the house. We should know in the next few days if we will get it. Unfortunately, they have had trouble in the past with landlords not wanting to rent to foreigners and/or not wanting disabled children living in their house. We are so, so, so excited about this!!!"

I believe that prayer is incredibly powerful and that God is behind the amazing way that everything is coming together. I know that not everyone who reads my blog thinks the same way, but for those of you who pray, we would love for you to pray for the following things....

• Finances. We need help paying for rent in the apartment where we will be fostering the kids. Donations can be made HERE, or, if you are American and would like to donate directly to SCH to get a tax receipt, email me at ncochrane3@hotmail.com and I will give you instructions. Unfortunately tax receipts are not yet possible for Canadians. This is a huge need and we would love any financial help we can get. The reality is that these 6 months are going to cost us about $7500 each and we haven't been able to raise very much monetary support.
• That Sarah R. will find us the perfect apartment in Ongole where we can foster the kids. This is a dream of ours and there is a lot I could write about on this topic and how I think it is preparing me for what's in store for my future, but I think I will save that to write about when I am in India.
• For Sarah and I. Moving to India is something we are SO excited for, but of course it is going to be difficult in many ways. Pray that we will grow emotionally and spiritually and that we will keep our priorities straight and will use these 6 months to not only focus on the kids,which is our main priority, but to also humble ourselves and really focus on growing as individuals.
• For our kids, in the next 2 months before we arrive. That Jasmine is being interacted with and engaged so that she doesn't revert further into her own world. That Cedar is gaining weight. That Dinah is given time every day to practice taking steps with the walker so she can gain strength. That Molly is not experiencing pain from the spasticity in her legs. That Lily is being engaged cognitively and that she is learning new things.

Sarah and I are both daydreaming about the same thing... putting the kids in their pajamas at night, then snuggling them in bed and kissing their cheeks and reading them stories until they fall asleep wrapped up in our arms. Something every child needs to experience. I'm also daydreaming about them learning how to walk, and to feed themselves, and to play, and to be potty trained. So much in store... so much to be excited about!

Baby House 10

I am reading the book "The Boy From Baby House 10: From the nightmare of a Russian orphanage to a new life in America" by Alan Philps and John Lahutsky (for the 2nd time). It is the story of Vanya (now called John)- a 6 year old boy with a physical disability living in a mental asylum in Russia, and how he escaped and was adopted by a family in America. It is heartwrenching. There is no other word to describe it.

John, now a teenager and living with his family in Pennsylvania, shares the abuse and neglect that SO many abandoned children experience, because of their special needs. His perspective allows us to get a small glimpse into what these kids go through. John in Russia, and at home in America with his Mom:

 

John isn't the only child who has escaped.  Take Katie, whose Mom blogs at The Blessing of Verity. Coming home at 9 years old, she was the size of an infant and had suffered extreme neglect because of her Down Syndrome, causing failure to thrive. Look at her now, less than 2 years after being welcomed into the arms of her family!

 

I will admit I have a tiny obsession with reading blogs of families who are adopting children with special needs, or whose kids are already home. They are such beautiful stories of love and redemption and that is where my heart is. The most recent family I have been following is the Kacirek family. They are in Ukraine right now and soon will bring home their new daughter and son. Their daughter, Lucia, is 16 years old and has been waiting for so long. She is a beautiful soul.  Watch her dance with her Dad for the first time, and look at the complete peace on her face.



Adoption is beautiful! Children with special needs are BEAUTIFUL!

And yet there are still children who wait. Children like Wendy, who I have been advocating for since last May, but whom I know has been listed for adoption for at least a year prior to that. She is approaching her 7th birthday. It is likely that she has been moved to the adult mental institution by now, as many children her age are. She waits...

"I maneuevered my right hand to grab the next rope, and an image flashed into my mind- a small boy, naked, sedated, behind steel bars in a locked room. That boy too was trying to climb. he was trying to climb over the bars of a crib, but they were too high. He tried and tried until he collapsed, exhausted, on a bare plastic mattress.

I stopped a moment to catch my breath, and I heard voices below shouting "Don't stop. You can do it." It ws as if they were encouraging the little boy in my head.  Yes, I can do it, I thought, as I gripped the rope, gritted my teeth, and pulled myself up with all my force. I'd do it for the sake of that little boy, who was utterly alone.

That boy, you see, was me, my six year old self, when I was in another country and spoke a different language and my name was Ivan, or Vanya for short....

What follows is my story. I am told I may be the only child to have survived the worst type of institution in the Russian children's gulag and gone on to live a normal life in America. These institutions created by Stalin continue to devour children to this day. That's why I feel my story has to be told. As my mom says, if it saves just one child from the hell I went through, it will be worth it."

-John Lahutsky, The Boy From Baby House 10
 

Haiti

I've been thinking lately about how God places people or events or experiences in our lives for reasons that we won't understand until years down the road.

Tonight, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was thinking of Haiti. My experience in Haiti, 4 years ago, was brief and filled with highs and lows. To be honest, I didn't understand it at the time.

We went to a facility for malnourished babies, run by Sisters of Charity. It is the only time in my travels, aside from when Anjali died, that I have felt completely overwhelemed and helpless. I remember walking from room to room, filled with crib after crib of tiny, starving, crying babies. After just a few minutes I went into the hall and leaned against the wall and cried.

Why? Why is this happening? Why do my eyes need to be opened to this?

Never in my life will I forget the way that a child's skin feels, when they are dying of starvation. I am not exaggerating when I say that they are dying- this facility buries several children every week.

I remember touching the babies' arms and feeling like I could break them.  Their skin was velvetty smooth and yet paper thin.
 

We then moved on to Notre Maison, an orphanage for children with special needs, where we brought donations and helped to feed the kids.  Not having much experience with this population at the time, I was overwhelmed by the limbs deformed from lying in bed all day, and the children rocking back and forth against the wall.

I remember my apprehension, looking at the children in their wheelchairs, staring back at me with solemn faces. I was scared to pick them up. Scared to feed them.

I remember one teenage girl, who would peak at me from around the corner, run up and slap me, and then run away, repeating this again and again and again.

Most of all I remember the stench.  Overpowering... sweat and diapers and Haitian food dribbling out of little mouths all mixed together.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I was so ready to get back on the bus to the Dominican, where I was comfortable. I didn't want to leave what I knew... it scared me. I didn't know what to do with the reality of life that I had just seen.

Notre Maison, Haiti

And now I see it.

Amongst my apprehension and fear and overwhelming helplessness, a change in my heart was sparked, and I began to value these lives. I began to grow as a person and understand love in a deeper form.

Haiti prepared me for the extreme need I would see in India, and opened my heart to loving those considered worthless by society.

I wonder what India is preparing me for? I have been feeling God leading me in a certain direction, but only time will tell!

Miss Lily, my baby love!