Be Amazing

It is up to you to illuminate the world.

I am feeling optimistic tonight. Nope, not a dollar has come in about my most recent post, asking for help with my two fundraisers. But today I feel like that is okay. I know it will come.

Perhaps it is the nice weather. The days at the beach with friends, at the park with Chris, the upcoming long weekend. Perhaps it is that I am writing. I have consistently said that over a year after my trip to India, I am still processing my experience. I have decided to write about it. 20 pages in, I have begun pouring out my heart and sharing every detail of those moments I never want to forget. Not sure what I will do with it once I am finished, but it feels good to get it out. And to know that, a year from now, I will be back in India and re-living it. Sarah and I have been talking about travelling the South of India... visiting a yoga ashram for a bit and seeing the sights. I am prepared for India to change me more than it already has.

Today I saw this picture of Victoria. Her hair has gotten so long since last year. She is such a little princess- so giggly and confident. I am inspired by the way she takes on the world, and this series of pictures captures it perfectly.

Life is good! And every day I need to wake up and remember all that I have to be thankful for, and everthing these kids taught me about living each day to the fullest.

Making Progress

This past weekend Sarah, Jod, and I went to the beach. We came prepared with freezies and pitchers of lemonade, and Jod and I made a sign about SCH. We swam for a bit, and then began our sales. I haven't done a lemonade stand since I was 7 or 8 (hence why we brought Jod along!) but thanks to his cuteness, it did pretty well and we made about $50 for the girls' ayah in India. One older couple gave us a $20 bill. Most gave the 50 cents for lemonade or a freezie, but those 50 cents add up.

It is now crunch time for both the Ayah and the Education Fund. Both of these need to be funded by the end of August.

First there is the girls' ayah. April and Molly have no one in the world except for Sarah, and us. With 82 kids and more on the way, they need this ayah to get the attention they deserve. They need to be stimulated in order to thrive. April is so close- she is standing with her walker and I just saw an incredible video of her taking steps. She has came so far and can only go forward from here. $500 for the ayah has been raised. For those of you with a heart for children with special needs, please consider taking on this project and sharing it in your networks.
Click HERE to learn more!


The Education Fund is going better. Andrielis is completely funded and will be registering at the new school soon. Andy and Yoandi are getting there, as you can read on their blog. They went to the evaluation at the new school, and the headmaster said their grades are too low. She said they have to go to a summer school every afternoon for a month, and then come back to get re-evaluated. There is a need of $50 for this:


I am trying my hardest with these needs, but want to reach out one more time and see if anybody can help. After these projects are funded, I am definitely going to be taking a fundraising break!! But in the meantime, these kids are very close to my heart and these needs are great.

I'm No Mother Teresa

I just finished the book All I Can Handle: I'm No Mother Teresa: A Life Raising Three Daughters With Autism by Kim Stagliano. I loved it, and highly recommend it to anyone wanting to better understand what life is like as a parent of a child with autism. Not only is it very real and very telling.. but it is funny. It's not often that I find myself laughing from a book, but that was the case with this one.

I spent some time reading Kim's blog today (the author) and came across a post on April 13, 2010 that shared this video. I find myself somewhat hardened to 'pull at your heartstrings' videos. I have watched many documentaries. I have watched many clips on youtube about various issues around the world. I find them informative, but it takes a lot for a video to really make me pause, and to really make me emotional. For some reason, this video did it. I have watched it over and over again and it breaks my heart. Her inability to communicate... the pain she is going through. The pain her family must be going through.

I have always struggled with feeling unmotivated and unfulfilled during the times when I am not travelling and am not wrapped up in international development work. Ever since India, I have been toying around the idea of getting involved on a local level with the special needs community. I have begun volunteering with a little boy with CP, and already, after only one session, I am thrilled with the decision. What draws me to development is the interaction with community members. In India I was able to combine these two interests in a way that really impacted me. As I begin to get more involved with this, I will likely post more about special needs on my blog. I feel a bit all over the place with so many different directions that I am being pulled into, rather than having one focus, but I figure this is the time to do it! This is the time to travel to different countries, to explore different issues and opportunities and discover where my heart really lies. I still have a lot of discovering to do, but I know that I am enjoying the process, and the learning curve I am having as I try to educate myself on special needs.

Pick up a copy of Kim's book. This is something we all need to educate ourselves on.

Wasted Away

This week I am with 60 kids working at Me to We's Take Action Academy- a week long social justice/leadership camp. Last night we did a Hunger Dinner; kids were separated at random into three groups representing different classes in the world. The elite (in reality... us) were given a meal of four courses. The middle group was given rice and beans. The largest group, those living in poverty, were given just one cup of beans. Presentations and discussions followed about the inequalities in the world.... about hunger, and about other issues facing us.

As we were watching one presentation, a video clip passed on the screen of a baby; wasted away, nothing but skin and bones.. lying in a hospital bed. My heart stopped for a quick moment as memories of Haiti flashed back. I spent a very short amount of time in Haiti; a quick bus trip over from the Dominican where I was living for 2 months. It was a short trip, but one that I won't ever forget as long as I live. The kids are burned into my memory. Two years later, I have forgotten many of their names and faces (with little staff and most being too young to speak, I never even knew many of their names), unfortunately, but I so vividly remember their skin.

Yes, I know it sounds strange. Of the few days I spent in this clinic for malnourished children in Haiti, the 2 things that stand out most for me were the despair, and the feel of their skin. In most places I travel, it is the happiness and the hope. Hunger has a way of breaking that down. I felt despair all around me. It felt hopeless.

When I saw that picture of the baby flash before my eyes, I remembered holding the babies in Haiti. I remember touching them and being shocked. The starvation and dehydration had made their skin like paper. It reminded me of how my grandfather's skin felt, a few years ago when I went to visit him as he was dying in a hospital bed. Silky smooth and thin, but strange. Fragile. I can't put words to how it felt, but when I saw that picture, I could almost feel it again; Hunger.

I spent some time today reflecting on my experiences. As the kids, today, are focused on action planning for how they are going to make a difference in the world once Academy is over, I find myself doing something similar.... Trying to pull together the experiences I have had around the world. Thinking about all the issues in the world I have come across- hunger, HIV/AIDS, discrimination, lack of access to education.... tying these together, learning more about the root causes, discovering my focus. And also taking bits of the strength I have witnessed and modelling myself on these incredible people. Making sure that the people I have met are not forgotten, and that I do something about it. Making sure that I never take for granted the experiences I have had. Making sure I take every opportunity to continue reflecting upon it, learning from it, sharing it, and doing something about it.

Go April Go!

Here she is walking!! Doesn't she look so cute?! I love how her hair is always in those cute pigtails now. And those skinny little legs... oh my goodness, I miss her! Sarah tells me the physiotherapist slowly nudges the walker forward and she will take steps to keep up. When I was working with her a year ago he showed me an exercise to do with her, where I would hold her up by her armpits and then Sarah (or the physiotherapist or whoever was around) would push her feet to the ground so she would stand). Just to do that (hardly baring any weight) she would scream and have a fit. Never once was I successful in getting her to stand, so I am thrilled to see this progress.

As I have posted about before, we are still working hard at raising the money to hire an ayah for her and Molly. See the chipin and link below for more details. We have raised 14% of what is needed! So close! Help if you can :)

Click HERE to learn more!

April and Molly

Click HERE to learn more.

We have raised $195 so far for the girls' ayah- 9% of what is needed. I desperately want to get to $1000 by the end of July. At $1000, Sarah will hire the ayah. This ayah (caregiver) will work ONLY with Molly and April; a 2:1 child:ayah ratio. When she is finished feeding and cleaning them, she will have more time, with only 2 kids in her care, to play and interact with them. They will spend less time waiting for their turn, and more time being loved on and being stimulated.

A few weeks ago April began standing up with the aid of a walker. She even took a few steps. Words can't describe how excited I was when I heard that. She is at a critical point where she could really thrive and learn to stand on her own, and then walk. I think that an ayah's love and attention could play a huge role in this.

Sarah and I have a fundraiser planned for 2 weeks from now, so hopefully that should bring in a few hundred. I have been using Blogs for a Cause to fundraise for this, but haven't had any blog design orders in the past 2 weeks. That meant only $25 raised in June.

I hate having to reach out and ask people, really I do. It is awkward.. it is uncomfortable. But if I don't do it, who will? Who, aside from Sarah (who has 98 other kids to fundraise for) will stand up for the rights of April and Molly?

If 30 people donate $10 we will pretty much be at $500 raised. The majority of you won't notice that $10 is gone. But when you see pictures and hear about Molly and April with their new ayah, you will feel the pride knowing that you played a role in that.

Please share this on your facebook, on your blog. Encourage those you know who have never donated before to give up one lunch- $10- to support 2 amazing little girls in India. Thank you!!!

PS Picture to come of April STANDING up!!! So excited to see it!!

The Short Term.

Forgive me in advance... this post is likely to be a bit rambling and all over the place. I have so many different thoughts on "short term missions" and they are not quite organized in my head yet.

Lately I have seen a lot of posts on different blogs I read about "short term missions". Most (if not all) of these bloggers are involved in social justice through their religious background. They use the term "missions" and I put it in quotes as I am quoting them, and I do not generally associate this term with the work that I do (not coming from a religious background).

A missionary is a member of a religious group sent into an area to do evangelism or ministries of service, such as education, literacy, social justice, health care and economic development. (Wikipedia)

That said, aside from the evangelism, much of the work that a missionary does is work that I do as well when I am travelling, and so I have found these posts to be particularly interesting, as I always want to work on and improve the way that I go about this.

The best post on this that I have read is from the Livesay's blog (long term missionaries to Haiti): Thinking Through STM (short term missions). Are Short Term Mission Trips The Answer?, respecting the poor, and bloggers, charities, and the question of poverty tourism are 3 other posts I would recommend reading.

I picked up the book When Helping Hurts and couldn't get through the first page. It was all very heavily Christian/evangelical and I simply couldn't relate to that. I may give it another try, as I think there is valuable information in it, but I don't think it is for me.

I totally agree with most of what is being said, but not all. I agree that many short term missions go very, very wrong. I have been a part of them. I have made so many mistakes, and have done things that I am embarrased of now, looking back. I have taken an obscene amount of photos of myself with kids I don't know, I have waltzed around and handed out money to anyone who asked. I have made mistakes. I have also learned from those mistakes and now, particularly on my most recent trip to Uganda, I consciously think about every.single.thing I do, and what the negative and positive effects of it could be. I find myself becoming quite critical of my own actions and the actions of other missionaries, knowing how easily things can go wrong. I try to avoid orphanage (with SCH as the exception) and try to partner with established organizations, mostly focusing on education. I think partner is the key word, as I try to build a long-lasting relationship with the organizations I volunteer with, to produce a higher level of sustainability.

That said, I have been a part of and seen organizations that exploit local people to look good, to make themselves feel better, or whatever their motive may be. I have seen and have taken part in 'the hand out' where the rich, white missionary will bestow gift upon gift to the 'poor orphans' or 'poor children' to create a good photo opp. In most cases these gifts are pointless (hair bows or stickers) and even if they are items that are needed (shoes) they are brought in from the developed country and thus the developing country is losing business, as the economy is not being supported.

One thing I strongly disagree with is that people who want to go on a short term mission should instead use that money and donate it to charity. I have seen this statistic thrown around often: Americans spent $1,600,000,000 on short-term missions (STMs) in 2006 alone. Yes, from just looking at that stat it would seemingly make sense for those short term missionaries to instead donate the money it would cost to go on their trip to charity. I spent about $3000 for my trip to Uganda. Could CUS, the school I was volunteering with, use that money? Absolutely. That money would have gone so far. But instead, using that $3000 for me to travel and work with CUS for those 2 weeks has (in my opinion) brought the school more than that one-time $3000 could have bought. I have committed to working long-term with CUS. I have sponsored another child and taken on the volunteer role as Sponsorship Coordinator, developing a new program that will bring at least 4 times the amount of donations that they were receiving before. Had I never worked with these kids in person, and gotten to know them, that $3000 would have eventually run out. Now that I know these kids, I can't turn my back on them, and my support to CUS will be long term and will total much more than $3000.

Absolutely I think short term missions need to be changed. There needs to be more education on how to build a relationship, and much less action simply for the photo opp. During my trips, in Haiti and Ethiopia in particular, I made mistakes. I didn't have the support of a reputable organization and there was far too much handing out of money (in the case of Ethiopia) and poverty tourism (in the case of Haiti). Yes, I wish I could take that back and re-do things that I had done. Reading the blogs of other long term missionaries, I am comforted by the fact that they, too, have made mistakes. Although at the same time, this is discouraging as I recognize the high number of people who must be making these mistakes, and the impact it could have.

However, I am looking at the bigger picture. Yes, we all screw up sometimes. Live and learn. In the end, I can only speak for myself, and I feel as if the work I have done (while it hasn't been perfect) has done more good than harm. Certainly in my own life, but also in lives around me. That said, I still have lots of room for improvement. I wish that it were easy, but it is so complicated. I wish that every person, before heading out on their first trip, would read these posts that I linked above. I think I would have done some things very differently had I had this knowledge of how things can go wrong. At that point, I knew nothing of sustainability and it didn't even begin to occur to me how someone might feel if I waltzed into their community and started snapping pictures. Thankfully, I now think about these things a lot more, but I know there are many people who don't, or who aren't at that point yet.

So, I don't there is a black and white answer to the question, Are short term missions doing more harm than good? I think it depends on the organization, the country, the missionary, and the level of research and thought taken before the trip. I encourage everyone considering going on a trip to read the links shared above, and to consider deeply what is being discussed. For those, like me, who have already begun this work, I think it is important not to get discouraged. We can make change in our lives and in others', it is just important to really think about each of our actions and the impact they will have on the lives of everyone else involved.